(A rant from my abnormal psych class about why little boys have more problems then little girls, but women are way more fucked up than men.)
One of the disadvantages to broad psych courses where we cover so much ground is that we have to aim wide and then move on to the next topic. When I was taking child psych, I was reading about Bowen’s family systems theory at the same time and I wanted desperately to reinterpret everything I was reading as part of a larger picture. It seemed like the textbook was just scratching the surface. The six-year-old boy in the case study on page x isn’t just bad at prosocial communication, he’s building relationships in response to epigenetic factors that have influenced the way his family reacts to him and the way that he interprets how others respond to him. Maybe his uncle is in jail for murder. Whether or not the child shares genetic markers that lead toward antisocial or even sociopathic tendencies, his father will still respond to the call home from the principal with memories of being pushed into a wall himself–and learning to push back. Nothing happens in a vacuum.
There’s an undercurrent to this discussion that seems to touch on the goals we set for our children and how well they line up with societal messages about what it means to be a successful man or woman. For instance, the dad who wants his son to do well in hockey even if it means clobbering an opponent when the ref isn’t looking is sending a message that lines up well with everything he sees on TV about violence and how “real” men use it to get ahead. The overweight shy girl whose older sister gives more affection to her skinny extroverted sister than she does to her learns that people who are beautiful are more lovable. Later on in the school playground, a couple of girls follow her around and call her Rosie O’Donnel. Again, the message is reinforced.
With boys, though, the negative messages are easier to channel into healthy competitive behavior. They grow up, and they use that instinct to get ahead in the world. Even if they fail, they have a fall back self-image as a “hard working man” to rely on. There’s a therapy group that meets every night for that down the road from my house… it’s called a bar. 
Women aren’t quite so lucky. When our little-girl dreams of being Cinderella crash into the real-life shortage of bona fide Prince Charming’s, it’s much easier for us to blame ourselves for our lack of good character and exquisite beauty. If only we were more perfect! It must be some flaw in our nature, and perhaps if we beat ourselves up enough, we’ll be better next year. I mean, sure, it’s hard to be perfect when you’re getting yelled at for being imperfect all the time, but it’s still our responsibility to bear that burden serenely and kindly, and try not to let it get us down, right?
Who knows. Maybe one of these days we’ll start measuring Gross National Happiness the way they do in Bhutan, where the average person makes quite a bit less than minimum wage, but the priorities in life are psychological, not based on material success or a sharper image. Until that day, it does at least give me something to rant about.
